Ataraxy (version 1)

Please note that this image is the full drawing from which Former Self (version 1)—the blogpost previous to this one—is derived from. This piece was inspired by a series of new and old things I’ve learned. The old involves the term coined as “musterbation” by Albert Ellis. I learned of this term several years ago when I was living on my own. This term relates to much of why we make ourselves unhappy according to him. It’s like we all have an inner dictator that’s never satisfied with who we are or what we do and maintains a propaganda news channel in our minds criticizing us 24/7.

Ellis derived much of the philosophical basis for his form of cognitive behavioral psychology from the Greek philosopher Epictetus. Epictetus was considered a stoic philosopher, and he developed the idea of prohairesis, or, in modern Greek, proairesis, which means will, as in the human will. Please, by all means, research what prohairesis means, as its usage in daily life is relieving and can even be enlightening.

The point of this blog and the inspiration for this picture circumnavigates around the ancient Greek obsession with perfection. Their sculptors created some of the most perfect marble statues in art history. The ancient Greeks also helped to develop the irrational number called Pi, which is the circumference of a circle. Numerically, it is 3.14159… times the diameter of a circle, which is supposed to accurately measure a circle’s circumference. But the decimals of Pi never end, and they apparently don’t repeat in any patterns we recognize at this point.

There is also a method Archimedes, the ancient Greek mathematician, referred to as the Method of Exhaustion. It’s an attempt to use polygons to approximate varying degrees of estimations of Pi. For example, a square is drawn inside a circle so that the square’s corners are touching the perimeter of the circle. Then another square is drawn outside the circle and its sides are touching the perimeter of the circle. To get a more accurate approximation of the circle’s circumference, a pentagon can be used instead of a square. Ever increasing complicated polygons to try to find Pi are what’s deemed as the Method of Exhaustion, as it continues on infinitely.

An irrational number, such as Pi, is basically an infinite number. We, ourselves, supposedly are trying to reach perfection in whatever area of life we want to perfect, whether if it’s beauty, having the perfect relationship, making our yards look nice, attaining that perfect job, etc. The fact remains that we will never reach a state of total perfection in a physical state. The entire physical universe is just simply imperfect. Like Plato’s Shadows on the Wall, we and the rest of the universe are just perpetuated attempts to finally reach a state of perfection acting out plays of shadows from our former eternal selves.

Unfortunately, and paradoxically, perfectionism leads to increasingly unhappy states, as Albert Ellis discovered, wrote about, and taught. He taught his patients and clients to let go of trying to be perfect, of letting go of guilt, of regrets, and accepting that one is not perfect, and that it is insane to demand that anyone be perfect. The term he coined “musterbation” that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog relates to what people do in their heads when they put demands upon themselves or others: “I must get this job done at such and such a time,” “I must give a stunning performance,” “I must not let so and so down,” etc.

So the intention of this drawing lies in its title Ataraxy, which means peace of mind or tranquility. I often tend to “musterbate” with my art and creativity, rather than let go, do, draw, create, paint, and let the mistakes unfold without obsessing about them. The time it took to complete it was in one night because I started something I could not stop working on. Part of my letting go process with respect to creativity involves using already printed on paper so as to enable me to just be free, to have fun, and to treat my media as if no one will judge them or I as to what the outcomes may be. The element of surprise is a wonderful driving factor.